For the first time ever, wait-listed Love Done Well Couples clients can get the help they need WHILE they wait for counselling.
Love Done Well for Couples is a LIVE online program for couples who want to learn effective relationship skills.
Over 8 x 2 hour classes, you will learn all the foundational information you need to begin making changes in how you love.
Together with your partner, you will learn how to:
- Develop healthy, loving patterns of interacting.
- Skillfully communicate in order to get your needs met in the relationship.
- Quickly be able to resolve conflict with each other
- Deepen intimacy, bringing you closer together.
- Feel safer and more secure with each other.
- Have more fun together as a couple.
- Become optimistic about your future together.
- Grow as an individual becoming more secure and confident in yourself.
- Know how to Do Love Well.
Areas covered in the program are:
- The 5 Stages of Relationship Development
- Family systems and the adult intimate relationships
- Attachment styles and why they matter
- The nervous system and how it can hijack connection
- Intentional communication and safety in relationship
- Effective coping behaviours
- Accountability and responsibility
- Dealing with emotions in relationship
8 LIVE classes over 8 Weeks – 2 hours each
Starting Spring 2022
Module 1: Understanding How Relationships Get Stuck – and What to Do to Get Unstuck
We all think that if our partner would change, our relationship would be ok. This is not helpful because it means our focus is on them, not on ourselves. When we are not aware of our contribution to the relationship dynamic, we do things that trigger our partners. They then react and sometimes hurt us in the process. This gridlock requires both partners to become willing to work on themselves – to become aware of how they are creating the problem that gets them stuck. Learn why this happens and how you can change your patterns.
Module 2: Why Communication is the #1 Problem for Couples – and What You Can Do to Fix It
We all communicate so much more than what we say with words. Body language, sounds, lack of responsiveness and other non-verbal communication, can be highly triggering for some partners. Learn how your unconscious communication is sabotaging your attempts to connect with your partner. Also, in this module learn a communication framework that stops the arguing, debating and fighting and promotes connection.
Module 3: What Happens in Your Nervous System When You Feel Triggered – and How to De-Activate Your Triggers and Connect safely instead.
When partners fight or shut down, the nervous system has activated the fight, flight, or freeze mode, because a threat to safety has been detected. These triggers are often related to previous trauma or childhood wounds and activate automatically. Learn how to recognize when your nervous system thinks you’re in danger and how to bring yourself back to safe connection with your partner.
Module 4: How to Recognize Ineffective Coping Behaviours and Do Something Different to Get Your Needs Met
Everyone learns in childhood how to cope with situations that are traumatic or challenging. For some partners it was safer to hide than to stay in the room. For another, it was safer to yell. For another it might have been safer to get very quiet and still. For another it was safer to talk like an adult and try to calm everyone down. These are learned coping behaviours which might have been helpful as a child (adaptive) but might no longer be effective in an adult intimate relationship (maladaptive). Learn about your now maladaptive coping behaviours and how you can instead use new adaptive healthy ways to get what your needs met.
Module 5: Understanding Differentiation in Intimate Relationships – and How to Get Really Good at it
Differentiation means knowing where you end and someone else begins. Sounds easy, but it’s not. Most of us are quite undifferentiated and this shows up primarily in intimate relationships, where we deal with differences through escalating arguments or by avoiding conflict through distancing. Learn how to develop a healthy ‘self’ separate from your partner, to really show up in your relationship.
Module 6: How to Talk So Your Partner Will Listen – And How to Listen So Your Partner Will Talk
There are some very basic guidelines that make communication safe. Without them, couples struggle to get their competing needs met at the same time. This doesn’t work. Learn powerful skills to ensure that you both get your needs met; feel heard and understood, and end the power struggle once and for all.
Module 7: How to Repair Breakdown – and Get to Breakthrough
Breakdown + Repair = Breakthrough. We all know about the ‘breakdown’ part but what about the ‘repair’ part? Acknowledging what we did that hurt our partner; validating their feelings; empathizing with how they feel, are all ways to repair a breakdown. Adding a sincere apology ensures Breakthrough. Learn how to really apologize so that conflicts get resolved.
Module 8: How to Stop Distancing and Get Closer to Your Partner
In the final class, couples learn about vulnerability and closeness and what gets in the way of it. Unconscious rules about how to stay safe and protect ourselves, are a barrier to intimacy. Family systems rules and cultural mores often contribute to emotional distance in intimate relationships. Learn how to make it safe for you and your partner to get closer to each other.
Perhaps the highest form of loving is, through all the emotional excitement of togetherness, simply to be able to maintain a separateness that focuses on being the best self one can be and defining that self, while remaining in calm, thoughtful, meaningful contact with the other, accepting the efforts of the other at being the best self he or she can be over time.